The Blahs! Do You Ever Just Feel...

...like you want a total life redo?  Or at least a chance to do what you want now?  I am just blah.  Seriously.  Seriously.  Blah. 

 

I think my hormones are doing a crazy number on me.  I am not one to blame emotions or actions on hormones, but right now I am.  I am an emotional person normally, but I am beyond that at this point.  I have been crying at the drop of anything. I just want to sleep but I also just want to go on a long trip or read all day.  I guess I just want to get away with Mike and Kass.  I've been really moody.  I have zerrrooo motivation.  I cannot get beyond my huge to-do list and it is overwhelming me.  I have been taking everything so personally to the point that I can name 4 people who are friends and family that I feel are really mad at me for some reason... maybe that isn't in my crazy head.

 

For a little more than a week I've been feeling like this. 

 

Things are just not going how I want them to be.... schooling K, my house being unpacked and organized, everything. 

 

I just want to move away with my wonderful husband and stubborn, loving daughter.  Literally, I want to move... and did you catch the part that I haven't even unpacked here?  We've been here for 3 months and I love this house, I really do, but it's not where I want to be living.  If we could just pick up our house and move it that would be awesome.  I love, love, love Texas and the people here, but I really want to move much farther north.  I want cooler weather and I want snow.  I'm the opposite of those people who get the winter blues.  I get the not fall/winter blues.  Luckily, it is almost fall.

 

I used to be a Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay.  Yep, I did.  That is one awesome company, by the way.  Anyways, we used to say that we wanted to add busy women to our team.  Busy women?  Yes, because they know how to get things done.  Think about it for a while.  Busy women get things done.  Because they have to. 

 

Part of my problem for years has been that I do not have enough to do.  You'd think that I did seeing the above statements and problems, but I don't in a different way.  I want to be a mom who is there for her children and I truly believe moms need to be home (most of the time). 

 

But, I feel like I am missing some things because I don't work, because I don't have a church that feels like home, because I don't have any friends or family here that live anywhere close to how we do. 

 

I long for the drive... the challenges... the deadlines... the competition.... the purpose... the passion... the the creativity... the sense of community.  

 

If I had more kids and more commitments/obligations I think that some of those holes would be filled and it sounds absolutely horrible as if my daughter and husband are not enough.  That is my struggle.  They are.  It's what God has given me at this time and I am so very thankful.

 

I am just not filling those holes with what I should be and I need to find ways to fill the others.  So, we are done with school this week.  I'm going to try and get some motivation and some ideas and some goals and some plans that I can be excited about. 

 

I'm going to be praying to get over my blahs and have some divine inspiration! 

 

 

Do you get the blahs?  How do you get over them?   

 

 

 

 

A Little TOOO Much

I am feeling completely overwhelmed with all of the things that I have signed up for as a family and individually. 

Busy day today with a sick husband, Woman's Bible study, playgroup after that and super-behind coupon cutting.  I did get a break when I gardened for about an hour, which was really needed in order for my veggies/fruits to grow & produce lots (please!)  Registered for Mike's fingerprints while realizing that I forgot to find that stupid cd we borrowed from the library 6 weeks ago (it's somewhere in my car!!)  and on that- why can it never be a cd that I would actually enjoy having if I'm going to have to buy it?!?!  Also, I forgot to make an appt for my physical (the fingerprints and the physical are basically the last 2 things needed to be done besides paperwork & some errands before we can have our homestudy scheduled!!!)

       

I was actually honored (or maybe a little insulted... I'm not sure yet) to be asked if I wanted to do a discipleship study with an awesome woman from church, which would mean us getting together every week.  I really, really want to do this except for now I am thinking when?!?!  When do I have an extra couple hours every week and the energy to do this?  I will.  I need to.  It will be great I know it.  I was really, really, really wanting Mike to be asked by her husband... hahaha... he's the one who needs more discipleship training right?!?!  The couple gave their testimony at church a couple of months ago and shared how someone had mentored them & now they do it for other people. 

Then I was asked if I would like to work in the nursery for a couple hours every Wed.  I said yes, of course, and am happy that I did.  She asked if I could work today & already feeling overwhelmed for the day I said no, which I was also happy that I did... since "no" is a skill I am working on continuously.  

My homeschooling friends from church have decided to start a small hs group & after making a financial plan the other night & realizing that there is no extra I had no idea where I would pull money from to pay for it even though it is not much & I'm really excited about it (but again another thing to add to my list).  So guess what!!  God is sooo good!  Always!  The money from the little job is exactly how much I need... exactly... for the hs group!  Again, God is so good! 

All in the same day, he brought me good news- about the hs group.  I wasn't sure where I would get the money.  Then, he showed me that he always provides- the little job at church which pays exactly what I need!  He also provided a hs group for us that sounds great & I do not have to organize it!!!  What a relief!  How amazing is that!?!?!  (tears are running down my cheeks)

I guess my bottom line is that I need to get more organized if I am going to take on the things that matter to me.  I need to think about what I'm committing to & prioritize better. 

Sometimes, actually quite often, I feel like staying in my comfy cozy little home with Kassidy & Mike (some alone time would be awesome too). 

I don't want to socialize. 

I don't want to say yes to everything people ask of me. 

I don't want to have to be anywhere at a specific time.

I don't want to be asked or feel like I need to commit to anything. 

I don't want to do anything but spend quality time loving God, my husband, my daughter, some family, some friends & myself. 

No committments, no stress, no appointments, no worries... how wrong is that? 

Maybe I can squeeze a few hours of that in every once in a while!