Book Review: Know Orphans

KnowOrphans: Mobilizing the Church for Global Orphanology
The global orphan crisis is complex. The church’s response should be comprehensive, but is it? In this provocative follow-up to Orphanology, author Rick Morton provides the framework for families and churches to have a gospel-centered response to the growing global issue of orphan care.
KnowOrphans addresses three distinct areas associated with global orphanology. Delving deeper into the criticisms of the movement, the need for reform, and what families can expect, author Rick Morton helps shape realistic perceptions of the challenges and rewards adoptive parents face in transnational adoptions. Through illuminating the work internationally adoptive families can expect, KnowOrphans offers solutions for the church in remedying the ills and deficiencies surrounding the church’s role in equipping and supporting families before, during, and after the adoption process. Knowing that the church’s response and attitude should be one that goes beyond adoption, KnowOrphans also addresses the complexities of how Christians are to respond ethically, compassionately, and comprehensively to the biblical call to care for orphans.
KnowOrphans is the next step in conversation




About the Author: Rick Morton is the father of three transnational adopted children and coauthor of the popular book Orphanology: Awakening to Gospel-Centered Adoption and Orphan Care. His dedication to the plight of orphans extends beyond his own family. The Mortons were cofounders of Promise 139, an international orphan-hosting ministry based in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. An inspiring speaker for the gospel to be expressed by the church living out God's heart for the fatherless, Rick presents at adoption and orphan-care conferences and pastor's conferences. Rick and his family live in the Greater Memphis area.

Learn more about Rick at: http://www.rickmortononline.com

My Review:
I have a heart for adopting so I was so excited to read this book.  We are all told to care for orphans and quite frankly the modern church has failed miserably at encouraging this.  This book is a wonderful guide and support for anyone who is considering adoption, especially internationally.  It gives ideas for churches to better support what we are commanded to do.  I hope that this book and its ideas will spread like crazy.  The orphan problem is completely capable of being remedied.  The first step though has to be a change of minds.  I hope this book will help do that!

I received this book for free in exchange for my honest opinion. 

... Dot, Dot, Dot

before the ... (dot, dot, dot) ... we got an email back from the owner of the agency.  He basically said that our CW didn't tell anyone right away because "she did not want to deter a new foster family" and that he did not feel like switching CWs was the right thing to do.  Like we could ever work with her again, right?  He also agreed that in order for us to work together anymore we would have to rebuild trust.  Do you know how he suggested we do this?!?!  By believing her.  Yes, he said that the only way we could build up trust again is if we believe her.  He also said that all future emails only need to be sent to the agency, meaning do not forward any emails to CPS.  Btw, the CPS CW who I CCed the email to has never written back.  Needless to say, we are not going to work with that agency ever again.

The email broke my heart.  Again.  I don't know what I hoped for, but what I got was not it. 

We kind of put our adoption plans on hold (for a week or two... hahah) and we just tried to reassess things.  I tried to heal.  Heal?  Yes.  I am not really sure if anyone really gets how I could be so upset by all of this.  I am upset that we no longer have Melissa.  I miss her... most of the time.  I knew she was leaving though so I was prepared for that.  I needed healing because for a while my dreams were shattered.  Our dreams as a family were shattered.  We were planning on growing our family through fostering.  We haven't been able to have any more biological children for years now due to my PCOS and because I still think it is God's plan for us to adopt.  This was how we thought we were going to have another child(ren), give our daughter a sibling(s) and be a witness for adoption.  Crushed.  Crushed.  Crushed.  To be quite honest, for the first few days after I got the reply email I was kind of upset with God.  It seemed like He also broke my heart... lead us all this way on this long journey only to dump us on the side of the road with nothing.  I still don't quite understand His plan and I'm sure I will never quite get it, but I've realized, for about the millionth time in my life, that I just need to lay it down at His feet.  I just need to give my burdened, broken heart to Him.  (I just realized that one of my all time favorite songs sings lyrics like that... see the video below)  I have to do this so many times a day... give it all to Him.  Tell Him that I really do not appreciate that things are so hard in this area, but that I love Him and will try to trust Him and somehow find a way to give Him the glory in this situation and in every situation and if He feels like making things easier or giving me some insight it would be much appreciated :)    

My God is an awesome God and guess what?!?  So is your God!  He heals the sick.  He gives to the poor.  He mends the broken.  He loves the undeserving.  He wants to take on our burdens.  He created us to be unable to carry them ourselves so that we would hopefully give them to Him and have an indescribable relationship with Him in the process.

1st Week of Fostering

It has been a week since Melissa first moved in with us.  A super quick week actually and quite a busy one.  My sisters were here for 5 days of it and I am really, really, really sad that they are gone, but I loved having them here.  I loved that they got to meet Melissa.  I love that fall is right around the corner... yes, totally random I know, but I'm just getting sooo excited for it!!

Melissa and Kassidy have been getting along very well.  Of course, we have had our bumps and expect even more to come, but in general they are awesome together.  Melissa herself is a great girl.  She is smart and loving.  A little too loving.  She has no stranger danger at all, which is an issue of its own.  Melissa just fits our family.  She just joined right in and is here.  Part of that is her personality and part of that just is.  I am the one who is struggling. 

I am struggling because my heart and brain are not agreeing on some issues.  We have been told that Melissa is going back to her family.  Definitely.  When?- we do not know.  We are super affectionate and constantly telling Kassidy how much we love her.  It has been us 3 forever.  I struggle because I don't want Melissa to get too attached to us.  My heart thinks that her heart will break when she leaves.  My heart also thinks that she will be happy to be going anywhere that will be permanent.  My head thinks that she shouldn't get attached to one more person in her life.  She already gives herself too much to others only to be taken away or hurt by them.  My head thinks that it would be better for her to feel the strong love from someone at least once in her life.  My head also thinks that I would not want someone I didn't know to just be pouring out their love on me when I really don't know them. 

So I struggle.  In the past week, I have shown very little affection to Kassidy and besides at bedtime, when I tell them both that I love them, I have not told Kassidy that I love her except for when we are alone.  This is not how I mother and this is not who I am.  The fear and confusion does not come from me not wanting to get hurt.  I am prepared for that... I think.  Some moments with Melissa feel like she is meant to be in our family and like she has been here for so long already.  Other moments I still care deeply for her but feel good about her going home. 

This foster thing is crazy.  I never thought it wouldn't be.  Melissa is a breeze... an angel placement.  And just a little 6 year old who wants a mommy and daddy to love her forever no matter what. 

Tomorrow is the first day of school.  Melissa will be going into 1st grade at our local public school and Kassidy will be going into 2nd grade at home with me.  I think that will help me.  The schedule is crazy and not a help but I think the quality time with K will help, because I also struggle because I feel like I do not have enough alone time with K anymore.  I mean we were always alone before.  I guess this is the feeling all parents of more than one child have.  The feeling like there is not enough of you to go around.  It is ok, though, and I know God gives and will continue to give us what we can handle.  The relationship between the girls is like nothing else.  Having a sister is an amazing gift and a little less individual mommy time is the cost, but I think it's a good trade.  :)

Yes, I jump whenever I hear my phone ring now!!

{Drumroll Please}

We are officially, totally and completely put into the system to be foster parents!!!!

We have been for a week... no calls yet, but we are waiting!!  Trying to be patient!

From what I have read and heard people usually wait about 3 weeks before they get a call.  I have no idea why it seems to work like that, but it seems to.  So we will wait (yet again in this process).

It would be really nice to have some time to get things squared away before school starts, but we will probably not get that luxury, which is fine.  We homeschool our daughter and thought that we were avoiding public school and separation for the most part by only taking kids up to 6, but starting at 3ish they have to be enrolled in a Headstart program, which I am pretty clueless about.  Having all that ready to go and organized would be awesome... but it will all be awesome!!  I know God's time is perfect and I keep reminding myself of this  daily  every hour  pretty much constantly. 

I still struggle with fears of not being good enough and that somehow we will just never be called.  When I am left with my own thoughts and insecurities I sometimes conjure up ideas that for some reason our agency just verified (certified) us just to humor us, but have no plan to ever call us.  Crazy.  I know.  That's why I leave it all to God, because I really believe that this is what we are supposed to be doing.  I know that our baby(ies) is(are) waiting for us. 

So :)  we will wait and have confidence in only our God.  We are super excited and cannot wait to welcome 1 or 2 kiddos into our home!! 

Yes, Again!

{{{{{SIGH}}}}}

This post really says how I feel about adoption.  Here are some great facts about adoption, orphans and children in the foster care system. 

I kind of feel like I am being redundant when I continue to stress how ridiculous this serious issue is.  I feel like people are just not catching on.  I know so many people who have come out and said that they are thinking about adopting.  Thinking about it.  Yes, we "thought about it" for a long time also.  We really are just now where we actually could adopt.  Not too long ago we would not have qualified financially, etc.  But now we are and are waiting any day now to hear that we are officially certified! 

I just URGE you.  I wish you could hear me say that.... how serious of a tone I say that in.  I really urge you to stop "thinking about it" and do it.  Step out and try it.  Start the classes you need to adopt from foster care.  You will learn sooo much and I believe you will really find out if this journey is for you or if it's not during those classes.   We were only going to adopt.  There was no option to foster for us before the classes and now we are fostering to adopt. 

Just do something!  Please!  I do understand that it is a calling to live that life.  I do.  I get it.  But I also get that we are being called to do things constantly that we never act on because we are just not listening, we do not want to or we are just afraid to. 

I also know that we are all told:

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

James 1:27

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.

Isaiah 1:17

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.

Matthew 18:5

So if you are feeling at all interested or at all shaken by the idea of adopting, please, PLEASE, PLEASE just check it out!  It's no big deal to find out more!  Stop talking, thinking about it and just do it!!

Biggest and Perfect... Is Coming!!

My husband is on the phone... right now... and just mentioned to his uncle how his step-sister is pregnant.  Well I did not know this.  We do not really talk to her, ever.  There is no reason why we don't- we just don't really- and none of that matters right now. 

But, do you know what came out of my mouth? 

"Lisa's pregnant?  Wow!  That's like the 30th person that I know right now who's pregnant!"  This was said with my mocking oh-she-really-needs-and-deserves-to-be-pregnant-when-I-am-not voice. 

Cruel?  Probably.  Am I used to it coming out my mouth?  Yes.  Do I really feel like it is completely unfair that yet another person I know is pregnant, without probably any trying and maybe even with trying to prevent it?  Totally. 

Am I getting over it?  Yes!  YAY!!

Because do you know what came into my head right immediately after I felt another stab of pain in my unpregnant body??  The feeling, belief, trust and hope that we were not meant to have another child yet.  We are meant to adopt.  My baby(ies) is(are) waiting for me!  Do you know how good it felt to have this washed over me?  It did and God, I know it was you!!  {wink, wink}  I wish you could see my face... how big my smile is.  How tears are rolling down my cheeks because of the joy I am feeling!  Crazy?  Totally!  Crazy in love with my God who has something bigger than my biggest dreams in the works for me!  Me!  And my family!! 

He's got something good  perfect in the works.  I don't need to feel envy, pass judgement, feel resentment or anger or anything but love.  I should be praying for the pregnant women I know and for their babies.  I also need to pray for my daughter and for our other future children.  I need to pray for all of the waiting children. 

And out of nowhere I started singing Dinah, blow your horn.  HAHA!  No idea where in the world that came from.  Dinah, won't you blow... Dinah, won't you blow... Dinah, won't you blow your horrrn! 

So I had these sequences of feelings all within maybe 30 seconds.  Has to be a God-thing.  Joy was washed over me right after I felt that nasty jealousy come.  It is a struggle, every. single. day. to not be completely angry and envious of all the pregnant women I see every day out and about.  But, I am learning and God is working with me to stop.  Stop and realize that He has (the) biggest (plans) and (utter) perfect(ion) for us.  :) 

He has biggest and perfect for your life, too! 

Book Review: A Place Called Blessing

I LOVED this book!!  It is such an easy read and I couldn't put it down.  I cried, then laughed and cried again.  My mouth fell open several times during the book, which means I am usually hooked!

This story, which could easily be real, is about a boy who has devastation after devastation in his life.  He is soon put into foster care, where even more devastation continues.  Devastation and its result for him might shock you and make you think differently about children, especially those in foster care.  (What a perfect story for me to read as we are on our own foster to adopt journey)  Throughout his life, he has learned to depend only on himself and never trust anyone.  Things happen and people come into his life for the better and for the worse.

This is a book that everyone should read.  It teaches about forgiveness, of others and of ourselves.  It teaches about being a blessing and receiving blessings.  It teaches about love, loss and hope. 

I joined Book Sneeze so I could get free books!!  Yay for free!!  And double yay for new, quality books for free!!  I do not get any other compensation besides the book and agree to give my completely honest review.

My Take: On adoption, Christians should put up or shut up--- Jason Locy

My Take: On adoption, Christians should put up or shut up

Editor's Note: Jason Locy is co-author of Veneer: Living Deeply in a Surface Society. He and his wife are adoptive parents and participants in Safe Families for Children, a voluntary alternative to foster care.

By Jason Locy, Special to CNN
When the Arkansas Supreme court struck down a voter-approved initiative that banned cohabitating straight and gay couples from adopting orphaned children, the Christian community predictably erupted.

Byron Babione of the Alliance Defense Fund, a coalition of Christian lawyers, attributed the April ruling to a “political movement afoot to undermine and destroy marriage.” Baptist Press, the publications arm of the Southern Baptist Convention, ran an article that quoted Babione as saying the ruling reflected “a campaign to place adult wants and desires over the best interests of children."

On one hand, these comments aren’t surprising. Conservative evangelicals have decried “the anti-family gay agenda” for decades. On the other, they underscore the way many Christians denounce a social problem that they have no plan for solving.

And the problem here is not ultimately gays adopting — the prevention of which, I believe, was the impetus behind the Arkansas initiative and behind adoption restrictions in various other states. The problem is a global orphan crisis involving tens of millions of children.


In the United States, there are approximately 116,000 foster children waiting to be adopted. That means a judge has either severed the rights of the original parents or the parents have voluntarily signed their children over to the government.

To put this into perspective, we might compare the number of American orphans to the purported 16 million Southern Baptists who attend more than 42,000 churches nationwide. Quick math reveals that there are roughly 138 Southern Baptists for every child in the American foster care system waiting to be adopted. To say it another way, this single denomination has an enormous opportunity to eradicate the orphan crisis in America.

If you’ve spent any time in church, you’ve probably heard a sermon on Noah or Moses or David. But how many sermons have you heard on the biblical mandate to care for orphans?

When was the last time you heard your pastor declare, “if you choose to adopt a child we will stand with you. We will provide respite care, financial help and do everything possible to meet the needs of that child?”
Southern Baptists, Presbyterians, Methodists, Catholics — the Christian Church — can provide safe, loving, permanent homes for these kids. Our faith dictates that we fight for a better way in both words and deeds.
When Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, and Peter responded yes, Jesus didn’t tell him to picket the wolves. He told Peter to feed and tend his sheep.

Some churches and Christian groups are stepping up. Focus on the Family launched a Wait No More initiative in Colorado in 2008, forming partnerships between local churches, adoption agencies and the government in order to encourage families to adopt through the foster care system. As a result, the number of Colorado orphans waiting for a family has been cut in half.

Christianity Today ran a 2010 report headlined “Adoption is Everywhere,” illustrating the trend among churches and Christians who are giving “attention to orphans, adoption, the fatherless, and so on.”
Despite such efforts, the American orphan crisis remains. Too many churches still find it easier to stand behind a megaphone decrying the morality of laws than to stand beside a child in need.

Thousands of orphaned children in America need grandmas and grandpas, embarrassing uncles and crazy aunts. They need someone to teach them to fly a kite and throw a ball and read a book and tie their shoes. They need someone to call mom and dad.

In fairness, adopting a child is not easy and many of these children face difficult adjustments once they’re adopted. They have experienced pain, loss, hurt, confusion and misplaced trust. They have endured physical, emotional and sexual abuse — things most of us don’t even want to imagine.

In 2008, when my wife and I adopted through Bethany Christian Services, the organization educated us on the possible challenges of adopting a child. They informed us that even though our daughter was a baby when we brought her home, she would eventually ask tough questions, as would our friends and family.
But my wife and I know our faith demands action and that sometimes action takes us out of our comfort zone.

As a father of three — two biological children and an adopted child — and a host to a number of children that have needed a temporary home I can tell you these kids need less arguing over who should and should not be allowed to adopt and more families stepping up and saying, “we will adopt.”

It is time Christians decide to either step up or shut up. If a Christian group wants to wade into the discussion over who should adopt, it needs to put its money and manpower where its mouth is.

That means not only challenging families and churches to adopt from foster care (which costs virtually nothing financially) but also to adopt children resulting from unplanned pregnancies, children with special needs and children of mixed race or minority ethnicity.

If Christians’ only desire is to fight the culture wars and score political points, then they should continue to lean on empty rhetoric. But if they truly care about the family and the Bible, they’ll begin caring for children who desperately need a home.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Jason Locy.

Would We Adopt If We Could Have More?

Would we adopt if we could have more biological children?

I would in a second.  We can have more children.  I am confident of that... maybe not at this moment, but I truly feel like we will have more biological children.  I think this is a question that many people in our family wonder about what we are doing.  I think that they think we are adopting out of desperation for another child and I guess in many ways we are.  Isn't that how many of us view adoption?  I know I have wondered it.  I know I have wondered if couples were able to have biological children when I have heard that they are adopting.   

When we first started talking about adopting, years ago, it was more because we hadn't been able to add to our family biologically.  Even not too long ago it was partly because we wanted to bridge the age gap between our children and that still influences the ages of children we want.  (Our daughter is 7 1/2) 

But for me, adoption has always been amazing.  The idea has never been hard for me to fathom but it was not anywhere close to the norm when/where I grew up.  I have always wanted a huge family and I just assumed I would be popping out all the children myself!

But now... now that we have started the journey towards adopting... now that I have educated myself more... now that I have seen and heard more from families with bio and adopted children... now that I have felt like this is exactly what we are supposed to be doing... now that I feel like our child(ren) are just waiting for us...

Now, I cannot imagine not adopting. 

I hope and pray that this journey will have a happy ending- one with us and more children.  Adopted children.  Yes, to be a blessing to them, but also for them to be our blessing.  For them to be a blessing to the world with their faith, talents, love and generosity.  If that is hoping for too much... a simple smile every once in a while will be fine.

I hope and pray that our journey will be a testimony to others.  If we can do it, anyone can (and should- hopefully with God's grace)!

We are commanded by God to care for the orphans of the world. 

Which by the way do you know how many orphans there are in the world? 

I actually had no idea until I looked up the answer and maybe you do not know either.

There is an estimated 143 MILLION ORPHANS in the world today!

There are an estimated 6.7 billion people in the world with 1.2 of them in regions classified as more developed by the United Nations.   If we take the 1.2 billion population down to 1/5 of its original population, (the 4/5 accounts for children, the elderly, etc) we are left with the idea that if every 9.3 perfectly capable adults adopted an orphan there would be none left.  That would mean 3 in 14 couples.  In America alone, if one couple from every church adopted a child waiting in foster care there would be no children waiting for a home.  I know that we are not all called or cut out to adopt but 3:14 or 1:church is completely do-able.  Not so hard, right?  Too bad we haven't made adoption more of a priority. 

Here are some Bible verses about orphans:

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."

James 1:27

"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families."

Psalms 68:5-6

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows."

Isaiah 1:17

"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."

Matthew 18:5

This is an awesome song.  I never thought of it having to anything to do with adoption but now I will never think of it separate from adoption.  Watch it!!

So my question is... has anyone in your church adopted?  Does your church make it a priority to talk about the children in the world needing good homes?