Sunday, June 26, 2011

Biggest and Perfect... Is Coming!!

My husband is on the phone... right now... and just mentioned to his uncle how his step-sister is pregnant.  Well I did not know this.  We do not really talk to her, ever.  There is no reason why we don't- we just don't really- and none of that matters right now. 

But, do you know what came out of my mouth? 

"Lisa's pregnant?  Wow!  That's like the 30th person that I know right now who's pregnant!"  This was said with my mocking oh-she-really-needs-and-deserves-to-be-pregnant-when-I-am-not voice. 

Cruel?  Probably.  Am I used to it coming out my mouth?  Yes.  Do I really feel like it is completely unfair that yet another person I know is pregnant, without probably any trying and maybe even with trying to prevent it?  Totally. 

Am I getting over it?  Yes!  YAY!!

Because do you know what came into my head right immediately after I felt another stab of pain in my unpregnant body??  The feeling, belief, trust and hope that we were not meant to have another child yet.  We are meant to adopt.  My baby(ies) is(are) waiting for me!  Do you know how good it felt to have this washed over me?  It did and God, I know it was you!!  {wink, wink}  I wish you could see my face... how big my smile is.  How tears are rolling down my cheeks because of the joy I am feeling!  Crazy?  Totally!  Crazy in love with my God who has something bigger than my biggest dreams in the works for me!  Me!  And my family!! 

He's got something good  perfect in the works.  I don't need to feel envy, pass judgement, feel resentment or anger or anything but love.  I should be praying for the pregnant women I know and for their babies.  I also need to pray for my daughter and for our other future children.  I need to pray for all of the waiting children

And out of nowhere I started singing Dinah, blow your horn.  HAHA!  No idea where in the world that came from.  Dinah, won't you blow... Dinah, won't you blow... Dinah, won't you blow your horrrn! 

So I had these sequences of feelings all within maybe 30 seconds.  Has to be a God-thing.  Joy was washed over me right after I felt that nasty jealousy come.  It is a struggle, every. single. day. to not be completely angry and envious of all the pregnant women I see every day out and about.  But, I am learning and God is working with me to stop.  Stop and realize that He has (the) biggest (plans) and (utter) perfect(ion) for us.  :) 

He has biggest and perfect for your life, too! 

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