Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The Blahs! Do You Ever Just Feel... you want a total life redo?  Or at least a chance to do what you want now?  I am just blah.  Seriously.  Seriously.  Blah. 
I think my hormones are doing a crazy number on me.  I am not one to blame emotions or actions on hormones, but right now I am.  I am an emotional person normally, but I am beyond that at this point.  I have been crying at the drop of anything. I just want to sleep but I also just want to go on a long trip or read all day.  I guess I just want to get away with Mike and Kass.  I've been really moody.  I have zerrrooo motivation.  I cannot get beyond my huge to-do list and it is overwhelming me.  I have been taking everything so personally to the point that I can name 4 people who are friends and family that I feel are really mad at me for some reason... maybe that isn't in my crazy head.
For a little more than a week I've been feeling like this. 
Things are just not going how I want them to be.... schooling K, my house being unpacked and organized, everything. 
I just want to move away with my wonderful husband and stubborn, loving daughter.  Literally, I want to move... and did you catch the part that I haven't even unpacked here?  We've been here for 3 months and I love this house, I really do, but it's not where I want to be living.  If we could just pick up our house and move it that would be awesome.  I love, love, love Texas and the people here, but I really want to move much farther north.  I want cooler weather and I want snow.  I'm the opposite of those people who get the winter blues.  I get the not fall/winter blues.  Luckily, it is almost fall.
I used to be a Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay.  Yep, I did.  That is one awesome company, by the way.  Anyways, we used to say that we wanted to add busy women to our team.  Busy women?  Yes, because they know how to get things done.  Think about it for a while.  Busy women get things done.  Because they have to. 
Part of my problem for years has been that I do not have enough to do.  You'd think that I did seeing the above statements and problems, but I don't in a different way.  I want to be a mom who is there for her children and I truly believe moms need to be home (most of the time). 
But, I feel like I am missing some things because I don't work, because I don't have a church that feels like home, because I don't have any friends or family here that live anywhere close to how we do. 
I long for the drive... the challenges... the deadlines... the competition.... the purpose... the passion... the the creativity... the sense of community.  
If I had more kids and more commitments/obligations I think that some of those holes would be filled and it sounds absolutely horrible as if my daughter and husband are not enough.  That is my struggle.  They are.  It's what God has given me at this time and I am so very thankful.
I am just not filling those holes with what I should be and I need to find ways to fill the others.  So, we are done with school this week.  I'm going to try and get some motivation and some ideas and some goals and some plans that I can be excited about. 
I'm going to be praying to get over my blahs and have some divine inspiration! 
Do you get the blahs?  How do you get over them?   

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