Showing posts with label fostering to adopt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fostering to adopt. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

... Dot, Dot, Dot

before the ... (dot, dot, dot) ... we got an email back from the owner of the agency.  He basically said that our CW didn't tell anyone right away because "she did not want to deter a new foster family" and that he did not feel like switching CWs was the right thing to do.  Like we could ever work with her again, right?  He also agreed that in order for us to work together anymore we would have to rebuild trust.  Do you know how he suggested we do this?!?!  By believing her.  Yes, he said that the only way we could build up trust again is if we believe her.  He also said that all future emails only need to be sent to the agency, meaning do not forward any emails to CPS.  Btw, the CPS CW who I CCed the email to has never written back.  Needless to say, we are not going to work with that agency ever again.

The email broke my heart.  Again.  I don't know what I hoped for, but what I got was not it. 

We kind of put our adoption plans on hold (for a week or two... hahah) and we just tried to reassess things.  I tried to heal.  Heal?  Yes.  I am not really sure if anyone really gets how I could be so upset by all of this.  I am upset that we no longer have Melissa.  I miss her... most of the time.  I knew she was leaving though so I was prepared for that.  I needed healing because for a while my dreams were shattered.  Our dreams as a family were shattered.  We were planning on growing our family through fostering.  We haven't been able to have any more biological children for years now due to my PCOS and because I still think it is God's plan for us to adopt.  This was how we thought we were going to have another child(ren), give our daughter a sibling(s) and be a witness for adoption.  Crushed.  Crushed.  Crushed.  To be quite honest, for the first few days after I got the reply email I was kind of upset with God.  It seemed like He also broke my heart... lead us all this way on this long journey only to dump us on the side of the road with nothing.  I still don't quite understand His plan and I'm sure I will never quite get it, but I've realized, for about the millionth time in my life, that I just need to lay it down at His feet.  I just need to give my burdened, broken heart to Him.  (I just realized that one of my all time favorite songs sings lyrics like that... see the video below)  I have to do this so many times a day... give it all to Him.  Tell Him that I really do not appreciate that things are so hard in this area, but that I love Him and will try to trust Him and somehow find a way to give Him the glory in this situation and in every situation and if He feels like making things easier or giving me some insight it would be much appreciated :)    

My God is an awesome God and guess what?!?  So is your God!  He heals the sick.  He gives to the poor.  He mends the broken.  He loves the undeserving.  He wants to take on our burdens.  He created us to be unable to carry them ourselves so that we would hopefully give them to Him and have an indescribable relationship with Him in the process.



Friday, September 2, 2011

Our Fostering Journey Seems To Be Over...

... after only two weeks.  We are crushed.  We are discouraged.  We are wondering why we were led on a journey that was soo long just to be completely disappointed and broken-hearted.  To be quite honest, I am devasted, angry and sad. 

Here's where the ordeal started.  Go read that and come back.  Ok, so I emailed our caseworker and apologized that our dog scared her, but that I knew he wouldn't bite her.  I also asked her to resend something that I had not recieved.  She resent the info and never mentioned the incident.  For the next eleven days we talked several times, made arrangements to provide respite care, talked about Melissa, etc.  Everything seemed fine great. 

Last Friday around 10:45 am I got a call from our CW who said that she was coming to pick up Melissa.  She would only tell us that she had been discharged from our home and I needed to pack up her things.  She said she would be picking her up from school and that she would not be allowed back into our home.  We asked if we did something wrong and she said we would discuss when she got there. 

The night before we had Melissa's CPS CW at our home and things were great.  She was awesome and I was really excited to have such a happy, friendly CW in her. 

So Friday after the call we had no idea what was going on.  I was a wreck... not because she was leaving in general (she was scheduled to be leaving in about a month to go with family anyway).  I was a wreck because of not knowing what was going on and I was a wreck because Melissa was going to be moved one more time in her short life.  We actually sent our daughter to be with family because we were completely confused about what was going on. 

Can you imagine that?  It blows my mind to think about those feelings again.  We were so confused that we sent our daughter to a family member's house.  We thought that whatever idea had been fabricated from Thursday night (when M's CW came) to Friday morning was so bad that we didn't know if our daughter would be taken away also.  It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. 

So Friday afternoon came and they showed up almost an hour later than they told us they would.  Our caseworker showed up with her boss, who has no personality at all.  She had come to our house for this visit.  They walked in and said that the reason why she was being removed was because, "as we knew, our dog bit CW at her last visit." 

I was immediately relieved that it wasn't anything more, I was also immediately devastated that it was something on our part, and I was also immediately shocked that our CW was lying about our dog biting her. 

I'm actually quite tired of thinking about this whole think and the same goes for typing about it so here is the letter to the Director/Owner of the agency (I changed the names with as little effort as possible :) ): 

    We are writing this letter to address several issues that seem unknown and unresolved.  We hope that this letter will be taken to heart with an open mind.  We feel like our family will forever be judged and discriminated against because of these events.  We know that this letter will not change the decisions that were made, but we hope to make our name better and address issues that should be taken into consideration in future cases like this. 
     T came to our house and needed to look in our bathroom medicine cabinet.  I told her that our dog, Buddy, was scary looking, would probably bark at her and come up to smell her.  I asked if she was going to be all right with that.  She replied that she would handle it fine.  I told her that he does not do this to everyone, but that he does do this some adults and might do it to her.  Again, she insisted she would be fine.  Melissa, our former foster daughter, opened the door before I was able to be in a position that would offer more control.  Our dog ran up to her and nudged her with his nose.  She immediately thought that he bit her.  He calmed down, stopped and I took him outside.  T was understandably shaken up.  I asked her if she was ok and she said, for the first time, that he, in fact, did not really bite her.  We continued talking and she stayed for at least ten or fifteen more minutes during which I asked several more times if she was fine and she replied that she was. 
     The facts that indicate that T was not truly bitten are as follows:
-T repeatedly told me at my house that she was fine and that he had not actually bitten her.
-T stayed at my house for at least ten or fifteen minutes after the incident and there was no sign of torn pants or blood.
-Later that day, I sent T an email apologizing again and also asking for some needed information in regards to a conversation we had earlier.  In the email I wrote in part "He has never bitten anyone ever and I knew he wouldn't bite you.  But I sincerely apologize that he scared you."  She replied with only the information needed and made no mention of the incident.  She did not mention it ever. If she had really been bitten she would have or should have replied to my email stating that she had in fact been bitten and I would have never written what I wrote in the first place.  Instead T completely disregarded the incident and did not mention it again. 
-T maintained normal communication with me and even approved us for respite care this coming week.
-T did not mention the incident for eleven days and allowed Melissa to stay in our home.
     We definitely agree that if Monica had truly been bitten she should have immediately made arrangements for Melissa to be removed from our house.  She should have gone to the doctor and had the bites addressed.  She should have had the bites documented and she should have told someone sooner than eleven days later.  It is actually quite disturbing that Melissa would be left in our care if the events happened like T says.  There should have been immediate actions taken.  When T and W came on Friday none of these facts were addressed.  Instead we were accused of having bad judgment because we did not remove the dog from our house after the incident.  The reality of T never correcting me in my email that she had actually been bit and the reality that she never even mentioned it to anyone for eleven days after the incident, but yet later came to the conclusion that Melissa was in such grave danger she should never be allowed back into our house shows extremely bad judgment.  Although, the reality that we never had the opportunity to remove Buddy from our house so that Melissa would not have to be moved once more shows the worst judgment from everyone involved.  
     We did not and have not removed our dog from our house.  He was protecting his family, including Melissa, and was trying to figure out who the stranger was in his house.  As I stated above, I warned her that he may look scary, would bark at her and run up to her to smell her.  She said she was fine with that.  He did exactly what I said would happen and he did not bite her.  She told me several times before she left that she was fine and that he had not bitten her.  Our dog is eleven years old and he has never bitten anyone, including T.  He is intimidating when you see him, but everyone loves him once they meet him.  Melissa loved him and on her second day at our house she laughed about how when she would kiss him on his nose he would kiss her back.  Melissa did not really like our hyper puppy, but would always call for Buddy to be near her.  We would never allow a dog to bite anyone and stay in our house.  Our family is too precious to ever take that chance.  After the incident, he did stay outside for a while, but I do not remember how long he was separated from Melissa.  Once he came back inside, everything was just as it had been and as it continued to be.  W asked how long he stayed separated from Melissa and I told her.  She then said that there was definite questions about our judgment.  We would have agreed if Buddy had actually bitten T, but he did not bite her.  We would have agreed if he had never barked or sniffed a stranger and he all of a sudden had done so.  He did exactly what I told T he might do. 
     W completely disregarded my question about why if he was considered so dangerous would Melissa be allowed to stay in our house for an additional eleven days.  I applaud W, in general, for defending T's decisions and appreciate that as a supervisor she is willing to defend her employees.  I am surprised and offended by her lack of acknowledgement towards the questionable and irresponsible decisions that T made if she had truly been bitten.  I am also hurt by the accusations that our judgment was completely careless. 
     When we received the call mid-morning on Friday that Melissa would be removed and that her bags needed to be packed by that afternoon, we were beyond shocked.  We asked T why she was being removed, if something like this was normal and if we had done something wrong.  T would say that we would discuss it later, only implying that it had been something we had done wrong.  We still cannot figure out why T would not tell us anything.  We began packing her stuff while trying to figure out what had just happened.  Our family was devastated, but my heart was completely broken for Melissa.  She had been with her previous foster family for several months, had been living with us for thirteen days and was going to be expected to live with a completely different family for the next month before she was to be permanently moved to her aunt's.  This last move could have been completely avoided had we been asked to remove our dog.  If Buddy had in fact bitten T, we would have moved our dog to a family member's house until Melissa left so that she would not have to be moved once again.  We still do not understand why this was not considered an option, but it was seen as acceptable for Melissa to leave our house feeling like one more family did not want her in life.  To think about this will always crush me. 
     If such inconsiderate and rash decisions are normally made at (agency), we are not sure we can continue our relationship.  One of the reasons why we decided to move forward and adopt or foster to adopt was because we found (agency).  Doors opened and we felt confirmation after confirmation that we were doing the right thing with the right people.  I cannot say enough about how welcomed and encouraged we felt by Joy and Bella.  We learned so much and I truly enjoyed our training classes.  We met you at the training class where we watched the great video by Chip Ingram.  I saw your eyes light up when you spoke about your ministry at (agency).  Jesse did our homestudy and made that process as enjoyable as it could be.  Shelby was so vibrant, informative and helpful when she called about placing Melissa with us.  When T was finally assigned to be our caseworker I was thrilled to begin the relationship that would last the longest and would become the strongest.  I loved meeting T and although she left after being scared by our dog I was hoping that our relationship would become the one that consisted of trust, honesty and encouragement.  Unfortunately, I do not see that kind of relationship being formed with T, and even more unfortunately we are unsure if that kind of relationship can now happen with anyone at (agency).  We do not want to be known as the family who had a dog bite a caseworker, especially when it is not true.  We also believed that (agency) was there to support and encourage us.  The complete opposite happened during this incident.  We were completely blind sided when we were told that Melissa would never be allowed back into our house.  We were not told the reason, but only told to pack her things.  When T and W came to our house we were not only informed that T was now, eleven days later, lying about being bit by our dog, but we were also told that we showed unacceptable and questionable judgment. 
     We are passionate about adopting and would still like to adopt through (agency).  We understand that we are no longer allowed to foster as long as our dog lives here.  Because T said that she was bit by our dog, we sadly understand that it seems dangerous to have him here.  Moving forward, we will not be fostering anytime in the near future.  We would like to be placed on the list to adopt only and would like a new caseworker, with whom we could discuss further options for adoption and not be prejudged for this incident.  We are adamant about having a new caseworker as we do not believe that any real relationship could be formed with T.  We know that being chosen as an adoptive family might be a long journey, but we also strongly believe that if it is God's will for us to be a child's parents He will open any door to make it possible.  
     I am deeply saddened that all of this was taken so far and handled so poorly.  Thank you for your time and we look forward to hearing how we can take the next steps to be placed on the adopt only list.     
 
We sent this on Monday and I did get an email back from him on Tuesday saying that he would look into it more and get back to us on Friday.  Today is Friday and he did email me back...

Sunday, August 21, 2011

1st Week of Fostering

It has been a week since Melissa first moved in with us.  A super quick week actually and quite a busy one.  My sisters were here for 5 days of it and I am really, really, really sad that they are gone, but I loved having them here.  I loved that they got to meet Melissa.  I love that fall is right around the corner... yes, totally random I know, but I'm just getting sooo excited for it!!

Melissa and Kassidy have been getting along very well.  Of course, we have had our bumps and expect even more to come, but in general they are awesome together.  Melissa herself is a great girl.  She is smart and loving.  A little too loving.  She has no stranger danger at all, which is an issue of its own.  Melissa just fits our family.  She just joined right in and is here.  Part of that is her personality and part of that just is.  I am the one who is struggling. 

I am struggling because my heart and brain are not agreeing on some issues.  We have been told that Melissa is going back to her family.  Definitely.  When?- we do not know.  We are super affectionate and constantly telling Kassidy how much we love her.  It has been us 3 forever.  I struggle because I don't want Melissa to get too attached to us.  My heart thinks that her heart will break when she leaves.  My heart also thinks that she will be happy to be going anywhere that will be permanent.  My head thinks that she shouldn't get attached to one more person in her life.  She already gives herself too much to others only to be taken away or hurt by them.  My head thinks that it would be better for her to feel the strong love from someone at least once in her life.  My head also thinks that I would not want someone I didn't know to just be pouring out their love on me when I really don't know them. 

So I struggle.  In the past week, I have shown very little affection to Kassidy and besides at bedtime, when I tell them both that I love them, I have not told Kassidy that I love her except for when we are alone.  This is not how I mother and this is not who I am.  The fear and confusion does not come from me not wanting to get hurt.  I am prepared for that... I think.  Some moments with Melissa feel like she is meant to be in our family and like she has been here for so long already.  Other moments I still care deeply for her but feel good about her going home. 

This foster thing is crazy.  I never thought it wouldn't be.  Melissa is a breeze... an angel placement.  And just a little 6 year old who wants a mommy and daddy to love her forever no matter what. 

Tomorrow is the first day of school.  Melissa will be going into 1st grade at our local public school and Kassidy will be going into 2nd grade at home with me.  I think that will help me.  The schedule is crazy and not a help but I think the quality time with K will help, because I also struggle because I feel like I do not have enough alone time with K anymore.  I mean we were always alone before.  I guess this is the feeling all parents of more than one child have.  The feeling like there is not enough of you to go around.  It is ok, though, and I know God gives and will continue to give us what we can handle.  The relationship between the girls is like nothing else.  Having a sister is an amazing gift and a little less individual mommy time is the cost, but I think it's a good trade.  :)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

She's Here and Oh What A Disaster!

Friday night we met at Chick-fil-a with Melissa, her foster parents, and foster siblings.  The kids played and we (Mike and I) got some great info about Melissa and about fostering in general.  We told everyone that we were going to a waterpark on Monday and we would love for Melissa to come with us, so we decided she would move in on Sunday.

Sunday came and we picked up Melissa.  She had an 8 person dining table filled with stuff.  There was tons of toys and clothes.  She literally had at least 50 shirts, including one that said "I love shopping!"  No kidding!!  So there is no need for us to get new clothes or shoes (she came with 15 pairs) besides what she will need for soccer.  The morning we picked up Melissa, her previous foster mom and her had gone to the store, where Melissa insisted on getting "her new mom" some flowers.  She picked out my absolute favorite- sunflowers :)  She also went around the store telling people that she was getting a new mommy today and saying "I am a foster kid and I am getting a new mommy today."

So now it is Tuesday.  Melissa is doing wonderfully.  She is a great girl with a great personality.  Her and Kassidy have been non-stop playing.  Melissa is pretty clingy and does definitely like to please.  She seems to be thriving, while I seem to be struggling.  I hesitate to share why I am struggling, but I will probably in another post very soon. 

Our caseworker came today for us to sign paperwork.  We had not met her before since our homestudy was done by another woman.  My room and the girls' rooms are disasters.  My sisters are in town (!!!) and like I said Melissa came with a truckload of stuff that I have been sorting.  My room is a mess because the girls have somewhat taken it over while my sisters are here and I have Melissa's stuff in there trying to be sorted.  Their room is a disaster for the above reasons also.  Well, it's hot here.  That sounds like something totally unnecessary to write as I'm sure it's hot everywhere.  Point being that our dogs cannot go outside for hours.  It's too hot.  Our CW also came early so I wasn't prepared with the dogs. 

The disaster happenned when our CW asked to see where the meds were stored.  In my room of course.  In the bathroom closet, which was not locked like it was supposed to be.  Our CW is African American and super cute by the way.  Our dog does not like AA people.  He was abused by them and just does not like them.  He doesn't like when we wear hats or sunglasses and he doesn't like black people.  He is also scary looking, but the biggest baby ever.  I mean the smoke alarm goes off and he is glued to me the rest of the day.  So, I open the door and try to warn her that he is going to smell her but that it will be totally fine.  Well she freaks out when he starts barking at her and he runs up to her to smell her, like he always does.  He rams his nose up her leg and she thinks that he has bitten her.  I know he hasn't.  He has never bitten anyone.  Ever.  If he had he would have been gone lonnng ago.  She realized that he did not bite her.  I got him outside, proceeded to really apologize and then showed her our disaster of a room and the med closet that was not locked. 

What a disaster.  She looked like she was going to cry.... I'm sure her nerves were completely shot.  I have no idea what will happen.  Our dog has been around two other CWs with no problem.  He couldn't get enough of them.  Him and Melissa have hit it off quite nicely.  Her first morning here she kept telling everyone how she would kiss him and then he would kiss her back.  They're friends.  Everyone absolutely adores him once they meet him and everyone else who sees him from afar is scared of him.  Just the way I like it.  I have no problem leaving my doors unlocked and yes we live in a neighborhood in the city, but people know what dog we have and those who don't would get a rude awakenning from him (once they woke him up from his serious guard-dog duty of sleeping in the dirty laundry pile in the bedroom). 

We will see.  The whole situation really stresses me out. 

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Foster Recap with a Surprise!!!

I made this post on Monday.  Well, after I posted the fact that we had been certified for what I thought was a week and that we expected it to be a couple more weeks until we got a call.... saying that we were now totally certified and ready to go.  Umm.... you mean we were ready to go last week right?  No.  We weren't.  {sigh}  Not that it really matters, but it would have been nice to know that when we had been told we would start being on the list last Monday that we actually would have been.  I have attached my phone to my body and kept it on the loudest ring... which happens to wake me (when someone calls early in the morning) from my much needed treasuring-every-last-sleeping-in-opportunity-for-what-will-seem-like-forever-because-I-will-no-longer-only-have-a-responsible-7-year-old-beauty-sleep.  I am such a morning person you know!! 

So besides that... I also had this whole "usually takes 3 weeks to get a call" mentality going on, which I still will hold my impatient self to in the future.  So not being in the system for another week just meant it would be another week. 

Monday's call:  Disappointing at first.  Then, the agency's Program Director, who was the woman calling, said she would like to come out and meet us asap to answer any questions, go back over the foster agreement papers, etc.  We decided to meet the next day, Tuesday.  I had 5 kids in the house and was super busy so I had little time to assess that whole situation, which was probably a good thing.

Tuesday:  Yes, I cleaned my house alot.  Haha.  I had no idea what we were in for with the PD.  Would she want a tour of the house, which might turn into another, but much more serious, home study?  Kassidy also had her first day of co-op classes and right before I had to serioussslly get out of the house....  

WE GOT A CALL!!!!  (did you hear me scream that?!?!---cause I did!!)

We got a call!  We got a call!  We got a call!  Hey, hey, hey, hey! 

That is my 'We got a call' song (and dance)!  You can borrow it if you want ;)  It's to the tune of The Little Rascal's We Got A Pickle song... in case you didn't know.

THE CALL:  Was awesome.  Totally no pressure, way more info than expected and just lovely!  It was for a little girl, who just turned 6.  Yes, we requested 0-5 and were told that we could definitely say no, especially since she was out of our age range.  This little girl, who I will call Melissa, is currently in a foster home, but the children are all being removed because the foster mother is extremely sick.  We have learned that she is a pleaser and somewhat of a tattle-tale, which to be quite honest cracks me up... it superficially cracks me up, but when I think about why it breaks my heart.  She is most likely going to family and they have had 3 family members doing homestudies.  One family failed and two are still waiting for theirs to be completed.  Knowing that she will not be ours (most likely) stinks in a way because we are fostering to adopt  but it also is a little more freeing.  Freeing in that we will not have to hold our breath the whole time and freeing in that I will try not to envision, and therefore get my hopes up, her being actively in our family forever. 

I asked if I could call the Caseworker right back and she said of course.  So I called Mike just to make sure and he said yes!  I called the CW back and she said that they would make sure it was fine with CPS, which they saw no reason why it wouldn't be. 

We would transitioning Melissa into our home quickly due to her current foster mother's health and because school is starting in just a few short weeks.  She will have to go to public school, which thank God is super duper close, but that will be a hurdle we have to get over in regards to taking her and picking her up everyday when we share one car.  I would love to walk but the road to cross to get there is super busy in the morning and it makes me nervous... I might see if there is a cross walk but there is not even a sidewalk. 

Tuesday Afternoon Meeting:  Went great.  I asked my list of questions :) and got the answers I needed.  We learned more about Melissa, who seems to be an amazing girl!  She has some stranger danger or lack of issues, which is why we are not really comfortable with her taking a bus to school with kids up to 6th grade.  We were told that we were now just waiting for CPS to approve the transfer and again it was stated that there seemed to be no reason why they wouldn't approve it. 

Now:  It is Wednesday night and no phone calls about CPS's decision yet.  We were not expecting one until Friday-ish.  We did however get an email from the PD with background checks for my sisters, who are visiting next week(!!!!!), to fill out.  She also said that she would be contacting me tomorrow.  That was it "I will be contacting you tomorrow".  Haha.  I would have really appreciated some kind of hint about what that contact will be about, especially since she is not our CW and I thought things would be going through her. 


To Be Continued.....

Monday, August 1, 2011

Yes, I jump whenever I hear my phone ring now!!

{Drumroll Please}

We are officially, totally and completely put into the system to be foster parents!!!!

We have been for a week... no calls yet, but we are waiting!!  Trying to be patient!

From what I have read and heard people usually wait about 3 weeks before they get a call.  I have no idea why it seems to work like that, but it seems to.  So we will wait (yet again in this process).

It would be really nice to have some time to get things squared away before school starts, but we will probably not get that luxury, which is fine.  We homeschool our daughter and thought that we were avoiding public school and separation for the most part by only taking kids up to 6, but starting at 3ish they have to be enrolled in a Headstart program, which I am pretty clueless about.  Having all that ready to go and organized would be awesome... but it will all be awesome!!  I know God's time is perfect and I keep reminding myself of this  daily  every hour  pretty much constantly. 

I still struggle with fears of not being good enough and that somehow we will just never be called.  When I am left with my own thoughts and insecurities I sometimes conjure up ideas that for some reason our agency just verified (certified) us just to humor us, but have no plan to ever call us.  Crazy.  I know.  That's why I leave it all to God, because I really believe that this is what we are supposed to be doing.  I know that our baby(ies) is(are) waiting for us

So :)  we will wait and have confidence in only our God.  We are super excited and cannot wait to welcome 1 or 2 kiddos into our home!! 

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Yes, Again!

{{{{{SIGH}}}}}

This post really says how I feel about adoption.  Here are some great facts about adoption, orphans and children in the foster care system. 

I kind of feel like I am being redundant when I continue to stress how ridiculous this serious issue is.  I feel like people are just not catching on.  I know so many people who have come out and said that they are thinking about adopting.  Thinking about it.  Yes, we "thought about it" for a long time also.  We really are just now where we actually could adopt.  Not too long ago we would not have qualified financially, etc.  But now we are and are waiting any day now to hear that we are officially certified! 

I just URGE you.  I wish you could hear me say that.... how serious of a tone I say that in.  I really urge you to stop "thinking about it" and do it.  Step out and try it.  Start the classes you need to adopt from foster care.  You will learn sooo much and I believe you will really find out if this journey is for you or if it's not during those classes.   We were only going to adopt.  There was no option to foster for us before the classes and now we are fostering to adopt. 

Just do something!  Please!  I do understand that it is a calling to live that life.  I do.  I get it.  But I also get that we are being called to do things constantly that we never act on because we are just not listening, we do not want to or we are just afraid to. 

I also know that we are all told:
Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
James 1:27


Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.
Isaiah 1:17

And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.
Matthew 18:5


So if you are feeling at all interested or at all shaken by the idea of adopting, please, PLEASE, PLEASE just check it out!  It's no big deal to find out more!  Stop talking, thinking about it and just do it!!



Sunday, June 26, 2011

Biggest and Perfect... Is Coming!!

My husband is on the phone... right now... and just mentioned to his uncle how his step-sister is pregnant.  Well I did not know this.  We do not really talk to her, ever.  There is no reason why we don't- we just don't really- and none of that matters right now. 

But, do you know what came out of my mouth? 

"Lisa's pregnant?  Wow!  That's like the 30th person that I know right now who's pregnant!"  This was said with my mocking oh-she-really-needs-and-deserves-to-be-pregnant-when-I-am-not voice. 

Cruel?  Probably.  Am I used to it coming out my mouth?  Yes.  Do I really feel like it is completely unfair that yet another person I know is pregnant, without probably any trying and maybe even with trying to prevent it?  Totally. 

Am I getting over it?  Yes!  YAY!!

Because do you know what came into my head right immediately after I felt another stab of pain in my unpregnant body??  The feeling, belief, trust and hope that we were not meant to have another child yet.  We are meant to adopt.  My baby(ies) is(are) waiting for me!  Do you know how good it felt to have this washed over me?  It did and God, I know it was you!!  {wink, wink}  I wish you could see my face... how big my smile is.  How tears are rolling down my cheeks because of the joy I am feeling!  Crazy?  Totally!  Crazy in love with my God who has something bigger than my biggest dreams in the works for me!  Me!  And my family!! 

He's got something good  perfect in the works.  I don't need to feel envy, pass judgement, feel resentment or anger or anything but love.  I should be praying for the pregnant women I know and for their babies.  I also need to pray for my daughter and for our other future children.  I need to pray for all of the waiting children

And out of nowhere I started singing Dinah, blow your horn.  HAHA!  No idea where in the world that came from.  Dinah, won't you blow... Dinah, won't you blow... Dinah, won't you blow your horrrn! 

So I had these sequences of feelings all within maybe 30 seconds.  Has to be a God-thing.  Joy was washed over me right after I felt that nasty jealousy come.  It is a struggle, every. single. day. to not be completely angry and envious of all the pregnant women I see every day out and about.  But, I am learning and God is working with me to stop.  Stop and realize that He has (the) biggest (plans) and (utter) perfect(ion) for us.  :) 

He has biggest and perfect for your life, too! 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Book Review: A Place Called Blessing

I LOVED this book!!  It is such an easy read and I couldn't put it down.  I cried, then laughed and cried again.  My mouth fell open several times during the book, which means I am usually hooked!

This story, which could easily be real, is about a boy who has devastation after devastation in his life.  He is soon put into foster care, where even more devastation continues.  Devastation and its result for him might shock you and make you think differently about children, especially those in foster care.  (What a perfect story for me to read as we are on our own foster to adopt journey)  Throughout his life, he has learned to depend only on himself and never trust anyone.  Things happen and people come into his life for the better and for the worse.

This is a book that everyone should read.  It teaches about forgiveness, of others and of ourselves.  It teaches about being a blessing and receiving blessings.  It teaches about love, loss and hope. 

I joined Book Sneeze so I could get free books!!  Yay for free!!  And double yay for new, quality books for free!!  I do not get any other compensation besides the book and agree to give my completely honest review.

Friday, June 17, 2011

My Take: On adoption, Christians should put up or shut up--- Jason Locy

My Take: On adoption, Christians should put up or shut up

Editor's Note: Jason Locy is co-author of Veneer: Living Deeply in a Surface Society. He and his wife are adoptive parents and participants in Safe Families for Children, a voluntary alternative to foster care.
By Jason Locy, Special to CNN
When the Arkansas Supreme court struck down a voter-approved initiative that banned cohabitating straight and gay couples from adopting orphaned children, the Christian community predictably erupted.

Byron Babione of the Alliance Defense Fund, a coalition of Christian lawyers, attributed the April ruling to a “political movement afoot to undermine and destroy marriage.” Baptist Press, the publications arm of the Southern Baptist Convention, ran an article that quoted Babione as saying the ruling reflected “a campaign to place adult wants and desires over the best interests of children."

On one hand, these comments aren’t surprising. Conservative evangelicals have decried “the anti-family gay agenda” for decades. On the other, they underscore the way many Christians denounce a social problem that they have no plan for solving.

And the problem here is not ultimately gays adopting — the prevention of which, I believe, was the impetus behind the Arkansas initiative and behind adoption restrictions in various other states. The problem is a global orphan crisis involving tens of millions of children.


In the United States, there are approximately 116,000 foster children waiting to be adopted. That means a judge has either severed the rights of the original parents or the parents have voluntarily signed their children over to the government.

To put this into perspective, we might compare the number of American orphans to the purported 16 million Southern Baptists who attend more than 42,000 churches nationwide. Quick math reveals that there are roughly 138 Southern Baptists for every child in the American foster care system waiting to be adopted. To say it another way, this single denomination has an enormous opportunity to eradicate the orphan crisis in America.

If you’ve spent any time in church, you’ve probably heard a sermon on Noah or Moses or David. But how many sermons have you heard on the biblical mandate to care for orphans?

When was the last time you heard your pastor declare, “if you choose to adopt a child we will stand with you. We will provide respite care, financial help and do everything possible to meet the needs of that child?”
Southern Baptists, Presbyterians, Methodists, Catholics — the Christian Church — can provide safe, loving, permanent homes for these kids. Our faith dictates that we fight for a better way in both words and deeds.
When Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, and Peter responded yes, Jesus didn’t tell him to picket the wolves. He told Peter to feed and tend his sheep.

Some churches and Christian groups are stepping up. Focus on the Family launched a Wait No More initiative in Colorado in 2008, forming partnerships between local churches, adoption agencies and the government in order to encourage families to adopt through the foster care system. As a result, the number of Colorado orphans waiting for a family has been cut in half.

Christianity Today ran a 2010 report headlined “Adoption is Everywhere,” illustrating the trend among churches and Christians who are giving “attention to orphans, adoption, the fatherless, and so on.”
Despite such efforts, the American orphan crisis remains. Too many churches still find it easier to stand behind a megaphone decrying the morality of laws than to stand beside a child in need.

Thousands of orphaned children in America need grandmas and grandpas, embarrassing uncles and crazy aunts. They need someone to teach them to fly a kite and throw a ball and read a book and tie their shoes. They need someone to call mom and dad.

In fairness, adopting a child is not easy and many of these children face difficult adjustments once they’re adopted. They have experienced pain, loss, hurt, confusion and misplaced trust. They have endured physical, emotional and sexual abuse — things most of us don’t even want to imagine.

In 2008, when my wife and I adopted through Bethany Christian Services, the organization educated us on the possible challenges of adopting a child. They informed us that even though our daughter was a baby when we brought her home, she would eventually ask tough questions, as would our friends and family.
But my wife and I know our faith demands action and that sometimes action takes us out of our comfort zone.

As a father of three — two biological children and an adopted child — and a host to a number of children that have needed a temporary home I can tell you these kids need less arguing over who should and should not be allowed to adopt and more families stepping up and saying, “we will adopt.”

It is time Christians decide to either step up or shut up. If a Christian group wants to wade into the discussion over who should adopt, it needs to put its money and manpower where its mouth is.

That means not only challenging families and churches to adopt from foster care (which costs virtually nothing financially) but also to adopt children resulting from unplanned pregnancies, children with special needs and children of mixed race or minority ethnicity.

If Christians’ only desire is to fight the culture wars and score political points, then they should continue to lean on empty rhetoric. But if they truly care about the family and the Bible, they’ll begin caring for children who desperately need a home.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Jason Locy.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Home Study: Check!

YAYYY!!

I have not blogged or done much (besides take a little beach trip) for the last couple weeks.  I have been doing things to get ready for our home study. 

For me, that meant organizing my whole entire house, which I have never done in my life.  Really.  I haven't.  Not because I have never wanted to, but because I am no organizer organizing my house does not come naturally to me. So now my house is about 95% organized and clean, which is amazing!  Absolutely amazing! 

The way I organize is to take everything out.  Right?  Is there another way to do it besides having everything out in the middle of the house and in piles until you find somewhere to put those piles?  Let me know if you know another way! 

Our home study was Tues at 2pm.  Needless to say, I was up all night Monday and did get a couple hour nap in Tuesday morning because I was up working on things all night. 

And my piles: A couple of them ended up in big black garbage bags in the attic :(  So sad.  Soon I will have to finish up my last 5% of organization! 

The home study:  I was praying that this would happen- she literally took a maybe 4 minute tour of my house and I was the one encouraging her to look around.  Yes, my house is small, but still.  I was really hoping that I would be way more prepared than I needed to be.  And I totally was. 

Here's what I was expecting or rather having a nightmare about:  (opening of a kitchen drawer) "Why would you put this in here with this?"  "What was your thinking behind arranging things like this?"  Yes, you may laugh, but to me this was serious stuff.

Why so serious?  Because this home study was the biggest judgement on me and my family that I have ever had.  Someone was going to walk into my house and "study" us and tell us, basically, if we were considered "fit" to parent children.  Well, I am not sure if it would have felt so judgemental if we did not already have children.  Since we do, it felt like someone would also be agreeing that we are doing an acceptable job parenting or that we were unnacceptable parents, who were bringing our baggage on our daughter and damaging her.  Yes, again, I was probably thinking this and taking it too far, but for me the judgement was huge.

But....
It's over!  All done!!  Our caseworker was awesome and hopefully I won't have to see her at my house again until we have some kiddos that she is checking in on!

And now life can go on!!  In a clean and almost completely organized house!

Summer is definitely here :( and I am going to cherish my time with my daughter for the next few weeks.  It's hit me that in a couple months I will probably never have only 1 child again.  For us all this is pretty darn exciting, but I want to enjoy my alone time with my girl until then!

What are you summer plans this week? 

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Where's My Baby?

I am 25.  25.  That's it. 


I got pregnant at 17 and it took absolutely no trying.  Obviously at an unmarried 17, I was not doing what I should have been doing to get pregnant.  My ideas and beliefs have completely changed and I wouldn't ever trade a minute of it.  Ever. 


So now I am ready... Where's My Baby?


We have been trying fairly regularly (ok so we don't try every single night or anything- but we are trying) for about 1 1/2 years and before that off and on for a couple of years.  When you only have your cycle 2 times a year it's pretty hard to schedule anything. 


But we've been trying for sooo long... Where's My Baby?


Our daughter has been asking for a sibling, literally, for about 5 years (since she was a little over 2).  She is extremely nurturing, loving, responsible, fun, lovable and happy- except for when she comes to me or her dad crying her beautiful blue eyes out because she doesn't have a brother or sister.  When she says this to me and even when she doesn't say it but I can see it in her face I feel like the absolute worst mother in the entire world and all I can do is apologize and ask her to keep waiting.  It's all I can do to not join her with tears of my own.  Extreme, you think?  Not to me. 


Our innocent daughter has be waiting for what must seem like forever... Where's My Baby?


To me getting pregnant and birthing a baby is probably the most natural, innate thing in the world.  It makes a woman a woman


I am a woman... Where's My Baby?


In the past 4 months, I have personally known and have had to hear about at least 5 people who got their baby (not counting people I've known but not personally)... many without trying and many without even wanting.  I love hearing about it... I really do... I love babies and I loved being pregnant and I'm happy for them... really I am.  But it has been such a struggle especially with the ones who have not wanted for me to not be extremely bitter and jealous.  I worked in the dorm room at an adoption agency with the pregnant moms who were placing their babies.  Obviously none of them planned their pregnancies.  None of them tried.  Some were on their 3rd, 4th or 5th pregnancy.  Some were 12 and some were 35.  I loved the girls and their hearts... what a horrible struggle for them... I cannot imagine. 


But my heart aches for one... Where's My Baby?


I understand that I have an amazing daughter and words cannot express how blessed I am by her but why can I not bless her with someone who she can (hopefully) always turn to... someone who will always know what it was like to grow up with us for parents... someone who will (again hopefully) be there after we die to cry with... someone to have be an aunt or uncle to her kids... someone to be a parent with. 


Where's My Baby?

It is so easy to be bitter and jealous and angry.  Too easy.  And no one who has not been here can ever understand.  I don't think ever.  And I didn't before.  It's not an easy thing to talk about unless you are talking with another woman who probably also feels like less... much less... of a woman.   I don't want sympathy and I definitely do not want to hear that things happen for a reason... I know, but I also know that those are never helpful words for someone who is grieving.  I definitely do not want to hear that I am only 25 and have plenty of time... I know, but I also know that my daughter is getting older and the window for sibling bonding is most likely shutting a little more every day which is why you had your kids only a couple of years apart.  I definitely do not want to hear that I am blessed to have one child... I know, I really know, but I also know that you could have no idea how I feel when your heart is complete with the number of different goodnight kisses you give or with the number of lunches you have to pack for the park picnic or with the number of plates you set at the table.  Please no sympathy and there are few words that will not leave me wanting to share my feelings less and less often.  I feel guilty.  I feel like my body is a failure.  That I have failed my body.  That I am failing my husband and my daughter.  That in turn I am even failing God.  Failing Him by not taking better care of my body... failing Him by not being satisfied enough with my daughter... failing Him by becoming so easily bitter, jealous and angry... failing Him by not trusting Him... failing Him by not always trusting that it will all work for His glory or that He knows the best for my life.       

Hope 

The hope I have can only come from Him.  No one or no thing can I ever put my trust in.  Ever.  So when I cry or rather bawl my eyes out He is the only one there for me, who I imagine is crying with me. 

So I wait.  I will wait.  I will wait.  And I will wait longer.   

We are working towards fostering to adopt.  Waiting.  I like to think that I haven't had any more children because My Baby is also waiting for me.  Waiting.  Waiting for a mommy and daddy, which might just be worse than my waiting.  I know it's worse.  We wouldn't be adopting right now if we had had another baby so maybe that's the answer. 

And so I will wait for My Baby and just maybe My Baby is waiting for me.  





Sunday, March 27, 2011

No Fear of Bad News

So tonight on my way home from dropping off my sweet little sister a thought popped in my head... first I would like to say that I am a driver.  I could drive all day and all night.  I often get caught up in my thoughts while driving and completely miss my exits.  I have often thought of being a professional truck driver which really cracks me up.  I love driving except for when I hate it... another thing about me is my extremeness.  My point being that when I drive I think... usually alot.  So back to my thought/realization...

There has been some serious doubting in my head lately and tonight, out of nowhere, it was as clear as it could be that it is coming from the devil.  He wants to make me doubt myself, God, my family and my beliefs.  You might think I'm crazy but that's where I believe alot of our self-doubting and Jesus-doubting and negativity comes from. 

We are working towards fostering to adopt.  The process is long... soo much longer than I would like but hopefully not too much longer.  Here is what has been going through my head and hurting my heart lately:

Do you not see how dysfunctional your family is? 
How could you ever even think that your home is somewhere to raise any children? 
Your family is not a good example for any child.
And you want to bring another one in?
Your house is nowhere near what it should be.
You will just screw up that child in your own way.
You cannot even handle what you have now.

Even just reading those makes me sad.  My family is not perfect.  We are not the picture perfect Christian family at all.  We each have our quirks and we each know how to push eachother's buttons.  But, we have so much love.  So much to give.  I dream about being able to love another child as much as I love K.  I dream about my husband being the best father figure any child will/might have.  I dream about showing my kids (bio/foster/adopted) what a mother's unconditional love looks like.  I dream about laughing, crying, playing, learning, coloring, cooking, swimming, making messes, cleaning up messes, smiling and sharing our family's love for God with any children in our home.  I believe that we are pretty good parents and I believe that we are meant to do this.  It is so easy for me to envision more kids in my house for me to love, teach, mentor, care for and discipline (maybe that one sounds funny but I don't believe there are any children anywhere who need to live without rules, after all who wants to be around an adult who grew up with no boundaries- not me!).   

The thoughts that creep into my head are not from my heart or my even head really.  I thought that they were coming from some deep part inside of me to warn me or show me something but all they do is cause me to stress out, pick fights with my husband and doubt our family's love and strong, committed bond.  I will no longer let those thoughts occupy more than half a second in my head.  

Throughout this whole process we have had a crazy amount of little (and big) miracles happen.  I wish I would have written them down so I would never forget.  Even with them though I realize how strong my humanness is- my fear, my insecurities, my doubts, my worry.  An amazing verse that was found amazingly is one that I am telling myself many times daily and is definitely one of the things that has kept me going. 

"He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is fixed, for his hope is in the Lord."  Psalm 112:7 

I still work on trusting in God that this will happen for our family and if it doesn't I am trusting that He has something better and more glorifying (for Him) for us and that He will mend our broken hearts, especially the heart of our daughter who cannot wait for siblings.